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chaqueta FIESTA
28 October 2007 @ 07:32 pm
I'm not gonna keep this LJ anymore. ^^;;

It's just because of a lot of things that have been happening. Those who actually read this, may have noticed that since sometime in September, I've kinda abandoned this thing. I have my reasons for it and all. ^^ I just don't feel like writing journals anymore. Well ... I do, however, a lot of the things I feel like writing about, aren't really too appropriate to blog about in public. So I may keep a private journal, maybe in Microsoft Word, or someplace away from the internet.

For those of you who know me more personally, you may have noticed a slight change in me since my most recent break-up. It's okay, though. I'll be fine. ^-^ It just like ... ahh, it just depresses me a little. It just wasn't meant to be I guess, and there's nothing that can be changed about that, so it's something I'm going to have to learn to live with. It's just like having something completely amazing and thinking things can't get any better, and then having it taken away from you. It kind of makes you wish you never had it to begin with, so you wouldn't know how amazing it felt..and therefore not felt like you were 'missing out' or in lack of that one thing that you feel completes you so well..

For the moment, and I'm kind of sure that this will pass, I'm not interested in dating or love or anything like that. Maybe sometime later in the future. I'm only interested in gay guys nowadays, and how many gay guys do you know that date girls? Exactly. So yeah. Life kind of sucks in that area. Besides, there's only one person I'm interested in being with, and that just didn't work out. ><; It's okay. He's my best friend, still. That's all that matters. I'm trying to convince myself that love isn't as important as I make it out to be. Gosh, all my life has been like 98% about romance and stuff. Before I even started school, when I was like four. >>; I need to focus on other things. It's not working so well, though.

That's why my mood oscillates so frequently. One day I'll be really happy. The next, I'll be extremely depressed. It just seems like there's nothing to look forward to. I could get over him if I wanted to. But that's the problem. I don't want to get over him. Even if it's unrequited.. love feels amazing. I know this is unhealthy somehow. But I don't want to change. Not yet. Being in love is still fantastic, even if it's extremely depressing. Yeah. I make no sense.

So I bid you adieu, my LJ. May we someday meet again in the future. ^-^
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Current Mood: crushedcrushed
 
 
chaqueta FIESTA
04 October 2007 @ 04:11 pm

Yeah, I know, I had a lot of depression fits and such. >>
But I don't cry nearly as often as I did in September. ^_^
And though I'm not completely 'over' a lot of the events that occured..
I'll live. ^^

Plus, I found some amazing jrock songs with amazing lyrics.
A lot of them I can relate to. It really takes away a lot of the pain.
You know, to know I'm not alone and that moving on isn't as hard as it seems. =)

I've been listening to jrock a lot, lately. To the point where I can't go ten minutes without it. >>
I managed to sneak my mp3 player on, a few times in school. My long hair helps hide it.
Only problem is, the humidity kills my hair. So it always looks like shit when it's down. x_x

Bleh. Tomorrow's Friday. Oskar and Ruth have hardly been in school all week. They're siicckk~ T-T
Oskar was there on Monday, and Ruth was there on Tuesday, but since then neither of them have been in.
And sdlgjsdlk;fsjefwa;l! NURSE JUPITER IS STILL SUCH A BITCH. >.<
I hate my school so much.

Hopefully tomorrow will go quickly.
I'm actually kind of looking forward to the weekend.
One of the days I want to spend the entire day at Barnes and Noble.
Just so I can read, and not buy anything since I'm saving up for various other things.
Yep. Me. Saving. Up.
For the next like ... 18 months or so. >w>

And I have a plan, I don't think I wrote about it here yet.
But I'm on a diet-y thing. It's not exactly a diet, I just don't eat as much as I used to and I drink lots of water.
Also I walk/run a lot, down at the park and around my block after school and on weekends.
I'm determined. I want a nice body. Not what I am now .. ugh, ew. But I want to be fit. So I can be an amazing cosplayer like Yaya Han.
*o*
I'm gonna do it, too. It won't be like the 324590234829042 other times I tried to accomplish weight loss.
Ya wanna know why?
'Coz. All the other times, I did it so that other people would like me more.
Now I'm doing it because I want to and that's all. =DDD

I got a sewing machine recently, too.
I'm gonna learn how to sew and make dresses and stuff! =DD!

Aaand on Monday, I'm most likely visiting Calais.
I'm off for Columbus Day but they aren't.
I can't wait to go and see all my old teachers and friends.
I haven't visited since March 13th. That's like seven months or something.
Maybe eight. My math sucks. >_>

Oh~
and I got my lip pierced.
I don't think I put that in here.
And ow. It hurt. And still hurts. >>
But I love it and want to get 9054823904 more piercings. =DDDD

Wheee~

 
 
Current Mood: contentcontent
Current Music: raison d'etre - dir en grey
 
 
chaqueta FIESTA
13 September 2007 @ 10:34 pm
YAY!  
I feel healthy. =D

I went over to Oskar and Ruth's today. WE HAD SUCH A BUTTSECKS-Y TIME!!
We watched Final Fantasy: Advent Children movie, which has SO MUCH HIDDEN BUTTSECKS! -FLAIL-
AND I MIGHT EVEN BE ABLE TO COSPLAY AS SHANA WITH RUTHH.
ZOMFG ISN'T THAT AMAZING?!
WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

I feel so happy. XDD

Jodi says I was being mature earlier. >>

YAY MEEE.

I'm so proud of myself though. ^_^
I ish progressing so well. <3
& I'm so happy! ^^
YAY~
I hope things keep going this well. =DD
 
 
Current Location: buttsecks citayyy
Current Mood: productive
Current Music: I dunnooo.
 
 
chaqueta FIESTA
11 September 2007 @ 09:10 pm

*pokes head out*
Yes ... I'm finally showing my face on LJ again. =/
-sigh- So much has went on and it's been utterly draining.

I've been far too depressed to update, but now I'm feeling a lot better so I guess I'll catch up on things now.

First and foremost, Oskar broke up with me on Friday. He just doesn't feel the same romantically.
But he says I'm his best friend. ^__^
That satisfies me enough. XDDD

Gahh, I've been so nyeh over it though. Just 'coz. I'm such a pessimist and such. You know, you know.
I can't say I've completely gotten over it, though. Nope, not at all. And I won't, for a while, but that's okay.
I realized what I need to do and now I know how to do it. ^^

Simply, I just have to distance myself emotionally from him. Which isn't like avoiding him or anything.
I still talk to him regularly and stuff. Gawd, I dunno what I'd do if I didn't XD Even when we were just friends we talked all the time.
But it's not about staying away from him, I just need to block out the way I see him, the whole "-eyes turn to hearts and I melt-" way of viewing him. >>
And see him as just Oskar, my friend. My best friend. ^.^
And I need to stop thinking about him constantly which means I've had to keep my mind on stuff and busy.
Like in school. I've actually been paying attention. Oh geez.
Because if I just daze off into the distance, you all know who'll be on my mind.

I can't see him around Jessica though. I just can't. I'm just still really, really sensitive. Not to mention I don't like her too much. >__>
When they're together, they talk like they're best friends and have known each other forever.
I couldn't even talk to him that well, when we were going out! Not to mention, she actually got to win over his affections for a while..
She's just not one of my favourite people. And if they're together, I just try and avoid them.
It's either that or spontaneously burst into hysterical tears. Which I've just started to get over, too.

I HAVEN'T CRIED YET TODAY!
WOO!
This is a new record.
I've cried every single day since school started.

Speaking of school, it's gotten a bit better.
I still talk to no one, and I still hate my classes. But there are two that I don't hate.

Spanish & Web Design.

Omfg. We're actually LEARNING shit in spanish. Wooow. This excites me. No really, it does! XDD
AND LOOK WHAT I LEARNED TODAY.

Yo conto. - I sing.
Yo como. - I eat.
Yo vivo. - I live.

And about the verb endings "ar", "er" and "ir" and how to conjugate them somewhat. WHEE!

And web design is awesome. At least I like those classes.

Aaand I don't mind lunch too much since Ruth's there.  It's just disappointing that I only get to see her once a day, and Oskar not even at all, except for the lobby in the morning.

Bahh. Now I have history and math homework to do. Why can't I have Spanish & Web Design homework!? >w<!

And I'm actually proud of myself and how well I'm handling this whole my-life-being-completely-thrown-off-balance thing.

^___^

 
 
Current Mood: contentcontent
Current Music: "Rocketship" - Shiny Toy Guns
 
 
chaqueta FIESTA
05 September 2007 @ 08:02 pm
It was positively dreadful! :D

Why do I say that so cheerfully, you ask? Because I have the best boyfriend in the world that's why. XD;
Just talking to him always manages to get me in a perfectly chipper mood. Oh gawd, you shoulda seen how I was before.
I was a mess. =_=

I couldn't even think without crying. I don't even know why. Maybe it was the pressure of being in school again mixed with the combination of my sucky classes and horrible teachers. And the fact that I was worried Oskar and Ruth might not be able to go to school because of the fucking racist nurse. =.= But nowww it's all cleared up and I can laugh and smile and squee again and I know everything's gonna turn out perfectly! Somehow. o_O; >w>

Okay, so I'll recap on my day. In annoying little sections because I feel like abusing cuts today! =DDD











WOO!

And that was my ever-so-sucky day.
But then I got home and went on myspace and saw Ruth was online, so I asked her to tell Oskar to sign on MSN.

Because, damn ... after a day like that, all I really wanted to do was talk to Oskar. And it made me feel so much better since I had.

HE MIGHT EVEN BE IN SCHOOL TOMORROW! WOOO~

I hope he's there on Friday at least. It's the pep ralley and I don't wanna be stuck sitting next to some strange blonde people like I did last year. It'd totally make my day if I got to sit with him. =DDD <3!

So all in all, today ended pretty well. Thanks to him. He always makes me feel extremely happy even when I'm struggling not to cry. <3
And now, I can hardly stop smiling. XDD!! <3
 
 
Current Mood: draineddrained
Current Music: "I Don't Dance" - HSM 2
 
 
 
chaqueta FIESTA
05 September 2007 @ 01:57 am
YAY!  
School starts in ... three hours and twenty seven minutes~!

>>
I woke up at 3:30 and couldn't go back to sleep so I thought 'screw it, I'm waking up in an hour and a half anyway'.
So here I am ... all ready ... eating nacho dip ... without nachoes. >>

Today is gonna be so scary. ><
I hope it goes all righttt~ <3

Oh! And I wrote another poem yesterday. (I must be on a roll! XD)
It doesn't have as much of a meaning as the one I wrote the other day, but I do like it better.


Woo~

It's 5:11 now.

-sigh- Time goes so slow sometimes~

Tommy had better be sitting in the front and saved a fucking seat for me on the bus. =_=
I despise my bus. There's always nowhere to sit. ><

But YAY! I am no longer a stupid freshman! ^.^

I know for a fact that the freshman this year suck. ><;;
But mwhaha, I gots da power. So maybe it won't be AS awkward, since I am a sophomore now.
But most of my class hates me. Yup, the class of 2010. At least people in my old gym class hated me.
I wonder who'll be in my gym this year ... *evil grin*
Mwhaha, who shall get tortured by the wrath of Marina-sucks-at-gym-class-ness?!
heehehee. >>;;

Well, I'm gonna go find other stuffs to keep meh busy.
I'll write more the moment I get home, trust meh. XD;;
 
 
Current Mood: anxiousanxious
Current Music: "Umbrella" by Rihanna. >.>
 
 
chaqueta FIESTA
04 September 2007 @ 01:16 pm
I've finally been inspired to write again. And I wrote a poem yesterday!
I didn't base it off of anything recent ... since I've really nothing to write about at the moment.
Nothing's really troubling me or anything enough to write about, so I picked a past experience.
In the beginning/middle of May, I had a dilemma.
It troubled me lots. And lots. So I decided to base it off of that. =D


There's also a something else, it shows in the last four lines, and the third and fourth.
It's something I've noticed. o.o

 
 
Current Mood: artistic
Current Music: Nocturnal Romance - Moi Dix Mois
 
 
chaqueta FIESTA
04 September 2007 @ 11:07 am
Yep. Today's gonna be the last day I can wake up at like 10, lay around eating Potato Stix and recollecting my dreams, eat roast beef flavoured Ramen and listen to spanish music until noon. =P

I have to work today, which kinda blows but I'll get over it. ><;

But wow. Tomorrow I'll have to wake up at like ... 5 a.m. (However, since I got my hair straightener [THAT WORKS] I don't have to blow-dry my hair forever. It takes about half as much time to straighten, and I can always use a shower cap to shower and wash my hair at night!) and get all ready, and wait for my effing bus. ><

But all in all, my summer has been the most amazing summer of my life. Really.
Let's take a second now and go over my last few summers. >>




And like ... all the summers before that, I didn't know Jodi.
So basically, I did absolutely nothing and had no friends and didn't even have the internet at home. >___>

SO NOW YOU SEE WHY THIS SUMMER HAS BEEN SUCH A BIG DEAL TO MEEE~!!!

I don't wanna start school again. *whines*

I fucking hope my classes are with people I know, man.
If not, I'll die for fucking everrrrrrrrr. x______x

-eats ramen-
 
 
Current Location: chair~
Current Mood: hungryhungry
Current Music: Beast of Blood - Malice Mizer
 
 
chaqueta FIESTA
03 September 2007 @ 05:29 am
ZOMG, LIVEJOURNAL.

I BOUGHT A HAIR STRAIGHTENER TODAY.

AND. IT. WORKS.

*dies*

My hair. is long. and straight. -dies again-



I'm gonna go try to write poetry. >w>
 
 
Current Mood: chipperchipper
 
 
chaqueta FIESTA
02 September 2007 @ 10:51 pm
HIYA, JOURNAL! *wavewavewave*

So, I spent yesterday watching POTC 2 with the commentary, which helped my understanding a lot (and was quite enjoyable XD) and then I went to Kohl's and bought some shirts. (It's all fun and games until somebody loses a nut! :D) And all this did, was bring me to the harsh realization that school starts the day after tomorrow. x_x

I am not ready.
PLUS. I'm not even getting up at 6 a.m.
I'm getting up at 5 a.m.
So I have time to take a shower, blow-dry my hair, etc.
See, last year I didn't give a fuck what I looked like. I was just that lazy. x.x
This year, I do. Because I actually have a purpose at that school.
And no, it isn't to learn. =P
Psht. =.=
The only classes I wanna learn in, are Web Design and Spanish.
Screw everything else. =D

There's stuff I need to buy, so I need to start handling my money carefully.
If I keep every paycheck I get from now until the end of the year (which won't happen because my mom takes money out for my internet bill)
I'd end up with ... $680. Wow. o_o
I'm gonna try to save up as best as I can. And not spend everything on everything else. >>

Blaaahhh. x.x
I hope this school year starts out okay. =/
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Current Mood: blahblah